Life is full of stress and unpredictable situations, and an event such as a first date is more than a serious cause for excitement. But excessive nervousness can ruin the whole thing. How to overcome your fear? Here are four simple tips.
Face Your Fears
This tip is not only suitable for a dating situation but also for getting rid of any fear. A person is afraid of everything new and incomprehensible, even date brides online. The more often you find yourself in situations in which you feel out of place, the more familiar and understandable they become.
Avoiding crowded events? This means that you need to visit them regularly. The first time, come in for 15 minutes and have a little face-to-face talk with someone. After a week, stay for half an hour and chat with several people.
Further — even more. After a couple of months, you will remember your past phobia with a smile. Thus, the more often you go out on dates, the easier it will be to date.
Do Not Follow “Smart” Tips
Books regularly advise on what to do to look attractive. You can follow all these rules:
- dress properly,
- laugh at all jokes,
- pour anecdotes,
- make the right gestures, etc.
But in the end, you will not achieve the desired result. Instead of worrying about how you look and what people think of you, try to learn more about the person you want to impress. Perhaps you will find that this good-looking person is uneducated and unreliable. And besides, they spread lies. As you know, worse than a year of a terrible relationship, there can only be a year and one day of a terrible relationship. Consider if you need such a partner.
Do Not Think Negatively
We often ruminate on what will happen in case something goes awry. Such considerations not only lead to frustration and feelings of feebleness but also to increment the production of stress hormones.
If you want to be charming and casual on your first date, do not focus on negative thoughts. As soon as you feel that a dark thought is arising in your head, try not to pay attention to it, just let it go. Consider that a negative thought is just a thought, one of many thousands. They can be joyful and sad, exciting and not so, but they all pass, and this thought will also pass.
If you are already caught in the grip of stress, try the following meditation practice:
- concentrate on your breathing;
- as soon as a negative thought appears, begin to breathe deeply;
- do not let yourself be carried away by worries;
- breathe evenly.
Do Not Play Conversations in Your Head
Thinking about what might have happened or fantasizing about future unpleasant events lead to nothing but increased anxiety. If you have to solve an issue, try to cope with it ASAP, without rueful feelings and thoughts. Psychologists call this approach a problem-focused solution.
Those of us who can focus on solving difficulties have better mental health, more positive outlooks, and greater success in life than those who are dominated by their emotions. If someone told you something that worries you, talk to that person frankly, instead of coming up with different scenarios.
To Sum up
You are afraid that you will not be able to keep up the conversation or that you will say something wrong. You are off the rails and do not want to go anywhere. However, anxiety can and should be dealt with.