The Tiger

On the not-so-rare occasion, we here at The Tiger receive e-mails and phone calls from well meaning persons who disapprove of columns such as "On the Prowl."

They would have us add six inches to our skirts, strap on our chastity belts and revert back to the era of gentlemen callers.

Well, then, here's some good old-fashioned advice, straight out of that long ago era.

When a Fellow Gets Fresh:

From "The Art of Dating," 1967: "The inexperienced girl may wonder, 'If he tries something, shall I slap him and run, or just run?'

The more mature girl knows that she doesn't need to resort to either slapping to running in order to deal with the too amorous boyfriend. She wards off unwelcome behavior with a firm refusal to co-operate, accompanied by a knowing smile and a suggestion of some alternate activity. She may say, 'Not now, Ambrose. Let's go get a hamburger; I'm hungry.'"

Lures Men Can't Resist-The Fine Art of Jollying:

From "How to Win and Hold a Husband", 1939: "Don't feed men flattery in hunks, with a shovel. They resent this. But every man will eat out of your hand if it is filled with sugar.

Don't be a crude bungler and tell a man in so many words that he is God's masterpiece.

Get the idea across to him in other ways - by your air of adoration; by the awe with which you listen to his opinions; by the rapt expression on your face when you listen to him monologing along about himself."

Aphrodisiacs:

From the "Dictionary of Aphrodisiacs," 1961: "Artichoke: Consumption of artichokes may directly produce euphoria; indirectly, this sense of pleasant relaxation is highly conductive to amatory exercise.

Sea-Slug: Found commonly off West Indies islands. Known widely for its efficacious aphrodisiac virtues. Among the fishermen of Naples, it is called sea Priapus.

Mathematics: It has been at least an academic tradition, if no more, that mathematical studies militate against amatory inclinations."

If a Girl Must Telephone a Boy:

From "Facts of Life and Love for Teen-Agers," 1956: "In a poll of high school boys more than two-thirds said that they do not like to have girls call them on the telephone.

They feel that this is a boy's privilege, and that a girl seems forward when she phones a boy.

They furthermore report that their families tease them about the girls who call them up at home.

Yet there may be times when a girl really must call a boy with an urgent message, to give him an invitation, or to make a request that cannot wait until she next sees him.

When such a call is necessary, the girl must be unusually careful to observe the expected telephone courtesies.

She should protect both the boy and herself from embarrassment by keeping her call short, and not telephoning him too often."

Love is a Species of Drunkenness:

From "The Art of Making a Perfect Husband," 1929: "Romantic love is a species of drunkenness - even dullards are aware of this; they are aware of it when they are not in love, and either forget it or disregard it when they are.

Because of this drunkenness, it is never possible for two persons in love really to know one another; they only know what they think of one another.

Therefore all persons who marry for reasons of romantic love marry strangers; that is why marriage has been termed a lottery - and with justice."

Article Tools