2008 Woodie Awards
On the Prowl
By: Honey Rider
Issue date: 9/19/08 Section: TimeOut
Honey Rider: So, tell me a sex story.
Random guy in a restaurant: What kind of sex story?
HR: Oh, any kind! Something embarrassing, something hysterical.
Random: Alright then......
That's how I spent my last week - collecting sex stories from friends, classmates, and random strangers who were working downtown. So boys and girls, it's story time. Here's a few intriguing sex stories to keep you amused while you struggle through those wretched biology or psychology classes. (If you've got any you wish to share, send them in, and I just might use them next time around.)
Freshman year my friend "Travis" lived in Johnstone. He was asleep in his room one night; his roommate was gone, and he had left the door unlocked. Suddenly, a random guy and random girl burst into the room. They collapsed on the un-lofted bed and started going at it like dogs in heat. This, of course, woke Travis up. He laid there though the whole thing. After they finished, Travis sat up, turned on his light, shone it on them and said "I hope you used protection. And if you didn't, I hope you name the kid after me."
I have this friend I'm going to call George. George is, oh, 26. And a virgin. Well, he was until very recently. George went to Charleston for New Years. Now, if you can't find a girl to lay you in Charleston on New Years, then you're just hopeless. However, George found a girl. They end up back at her place, which is really her parents' place, and she goes down on George. A short (very, very, short time, 35 seconds to be precise) time later, things finish up down there. He then looks at her, dead serious, not thinking that what he's about to say is wrong in any way and goes "Can you go wash your mouth out with soap? I want to make out some more."
This kid, "Jack" had one of the most interesting "losing virginity" stories. He was at a hotel for some sort of conference and met a girl there. Jack and this girl started talking it up and at one point she said "Want to go get a room?" So the two of them go upstairs and start fooling around. Suddenly her cell phone rings. She answers it, turns to Jack and says "That was one of my girl friends. Do you mind if she joins us?" So she leaves and comes back with TWO more girls. And that's how Jack lost his virginity.
Random guy in a restaurant: What kind of sex story?
HR: Oh, any kind! Something embarrassing, something hysterical.
Random: Alright then......
That's how I spent my last week - collecting sex stories from friends, classmates, and random strangers who were working downtown. So boys and girls, it's story time. Here's a few intriguing sex stories to keep you amused while you struggle through those wretched biology or psychology classes. (If you've got any you wish to share, send them in, and I just might use them next time around.)
Freshman year my friend "Travis" lived in Johnstone. He was asleep in his room one night; his roommate was gone, and he had left the door unlocked. Suddenly, a random guy and random girl burst into the room. They collapsed on the un-lofted bed and started going at it like dogs in heat. This, of course, woke Travis up. He laid there though the whole thing. After they finished, Travis sat up, turned on his light, shone it on them and said "I hope you used protection. And if you didn't, I hope you name the kid after me."
I have this friend I'm going to call George. George is, oh, 26. And a virgin. Well, he was until very recently. George went to Charleston for New Years. Now, if you can't find a girl to lay you in Charleston on New Years, then you're just hopeless. However, George found a girl. They end up back at her place, which is really her parents' place, and she goes down on George. A short (very, very, short time, 35 seconds to be precise) time later, things finish up down there. He then looks at her, dead serious, not thinking that what he's about to say is wrong in any way and goes "Can you go wash your mouth out with soap? I want to make out some more."
This kid, "Jack" had one of the most interesting "losing virginity" stories. He was at a hotel for some sort of conference and met a girl there. Jack and this girl started talking it up and at one point she said "Want to go get a room?" So the two of them go upstairs and start fooling around. Suddenly her cell phone rings. She answers it, turns to Jack and says "That was one of my girl friends. Do you mind if she joins us?" So she leaves and comes back with TWO more girls. And that's how Jack lost his virginity.
Viewing Comments 1 - 4 of 5
Lemonade Diet
posted 9/25/08 @ 11:00 PM EST
Does the button test really work? I will do a search for the button test and see what comes up. You said that George used to be a virgim. Well isn't he still a virgin? Oral sex is not sex. (Continued…)
Amazon Herbs
posted 9/25/08 @ 11:13 PM EST
Belly Button Test
When preparing to perform cunnilingus on a woman of questionable hygiene, the act of slowly kissing from the breasts downward. If, by the arrival at the belly button, no odor is detected, one can surmise that it is safe to proceed. (Continued…)
Honey Rider
Honey Rider
posted 10/29/08 @ 1:50 AM EST
my my... the button test you speak of is quite different from mine. And I don't think it's very scientifically based. Do you have the link to an article about that possibly?
TexasTiger
posted 10/29/08 @ 8:56 PM EST
Amazon, when was the last time you sniffed your own nethers after a long day of walking between classes, using the bathroom, etc? I imagine there's alot of times a girl with any sense of smell wants nowhere near there. (Continued…)
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