2008 Woodie Awards
Give yourself the chance of tomorrow
By: Emily Sparr
Issue date: 9/5/08 Section: Opinion
Looking back we had so many great times. It was hard to put it all in perspective when we were teenagers with raging hormones, but we were all very lucky people.
I don't know what Adam was going through. He didn't leave a note or tell anyone he was going to do it. The people who were closest to him knew that he was having a hard time but didn't realize how bad it had gotten.
Our friend Graham had been the closest to him recently. Graham told us that Adam had stopped showing up to hang out and when Graham asked him about it, Adam would brush it to the side with a positive voice saying he had just been busy.
Everyone had noticed that he was spending a lot of time at home though. Graham had encouraged him to get out and not stay in his room consumed by his own thoughts, even to the extent of trying to randomly show up at Adam's home to see what he was up to.
In the process of the investigation of his death, it was found that the last two phone calls he received were job rejections. I don't know if they were what made the decision for him or not, but I can only imagine how he could have felt
Almost a week later, I can't get Adam out of my head. I struggle each day to come to terms with the idea that he will not just show up. I wish I could have told him it would all be okay. I wish he had reached out to his friends for support.
But that is not what happens a lot of times with depression. When people are depressed, their world slowly becomes smaller and smaller. Finally they are completely by themselves swallowed by their own thoughts.
I don't know if Adam even knew how many people would be grieving him. We all love him deeply.
I went through a really bad depression a little while back. My freshman year, I was raped by someone at a party. I struggled with anger and control. My world was so small and I didn't see an end to my pain. I pushed away family and friends.
Even today I struggle to make sure I am taking care of myself. I recently started seeing a therapist again because I realized I was feeling a bit depressed and was worried about slipping back into a deep depression.
I don't know what Adam was going through. He didn't leave a note or tell anyone he was going to do it. The people who were closest to him knew that he was having a hard time but didn't realize how bad it had gotten.
Our friend Graham had been the closest to him recently. Graham told us that Adam had stopped showing up to hang out and when Graham asked him about it, Adam would brush it to the side with a positive voice saying he had just been busy.
Everyone had noticed that he was spending a lot of time at home though. Graham had encouraged him to get out and not stay in his room consumed by his own thoughts, even to the extent of trying to randomly show up at Adam's home to see what he was up to.
In the process of the investigation of his death, it was found that the last two phone calls he received were job rejections. I don't know if they were what made the decision for him or not, but I can only imagine how he could have felt
Almost a week later, I can't get Adam out of my head. I struggle each day to come to terms with the idea that he will not just show up. I wish I could have told him it would all be okay. I wish he had reached out to his friends for support.
But that is not what happens a lot of times with depression. When people are depressed, their world slowly becomes smaller and smaller. Finally they are completely by themselves swallowed by their own thoughts.
I don't know if Adam even knew how many people would be grieving him. We all love him deeply.
I went through a really bad depression a little while back. My freshman year, I was raped by someone at a party. I struggled with anger and control. My world was so small and I didn't see an end to my pain. I pushed away family and friends.
Even today I struggle to make sure I am taking care of myself. I recently started seeing a therapist again because I realized I was feeling a bit depressed and was worried about slipping back into a deep depression.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
Lucy Beam Hoffman
posted 9/07/08 @ 9:24 AM EST
This is an important and courageous story. The author revealed herself and her own pain in the discussion of Adam. The loss of a young vibrant person is more of a tragedy than any of us can imagine. (Continued…)
Someone
posted 9/07/08 @ 11:33 PM EST
I can relate to a lot of what you talk about here. This is a fantastic piece.
Aki Carpenter
posted 9/13/08 @ 12:17 PM EST
Hi Emily,
What a beautiful article --- so full of such great memories of Adam. I think it's really strong of you to write this article for others to read. (Continued…)
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