2008 Woodie Awards
Cabrera's appetite dooms Detroit
By: Ryan Launius
Issue date: 4/18/08 Section: Sports
The Detroit Tigers have had the worst start of any major league baseball team this season despite having three different batting champions present in their lineup. The pitching has been atrocious, and the projected best lineup in baseball has scored the fewest runs in the majors.
But how did this happen? The Tigers were the sexiest of all playoff picks. Analysts loved their young pitching coupled with some of the greatest hitters in the game. Detroit managed to start the season with seven straight losses and currently sits eight games under .500 despite being the most talented team in their division.
At first glance, I believed that the Tigers just could not pull their season together. Maybe they have too much talent, or too many egos, or too high expectations. But upon delving further into the mess that is Detroit's 2008 season, I discovered a darkly-kept secret that will disturb me for years to come.
Upon entering the Detroit locker room, I discovered an abnormally thin and scared Edgar Renteria rocking back and forth in a fetal position. I found this odd as Renteria is normally a jovial and upbeat player, yet today he was avoiding eye contact with me. It was then that I felt a gust of wind and looked down to find that my bagged lunch I was carrying had somehow disappeared.
Edgar immediately looked at me almost sympathetically and meekly stated, "It was him…Miguel Cabrera."
Something seemed to click with me right there and then. The problem with the Tigers has not had anything to do with media pressure, or the existing egos or even the ages of the players. No, it seemed that every problem could be traced back to the aggressive eating habits of Miguel Cabrera.
After coming to my realization, I began to question Gary Sheffield, who was the only player who was not in some form of a catatonic state. Gary was quoted as saying, "[Cabrera] arrived to spring training and everyone was excited to meet him and have him on our team. But that's when he started taking our food and players started going hungry. I think the first time we realized as a team that we have a problem on our hands was when our manager Jim Leyland locked himself in his office for six hours after discovering Miguel ate his cigarettes."
But how did this happen? The Tigers were the sexiest of all playoff picks. Analysts loved their young pitching coupled with some of the greatest hitters in the game. Detroit managed to start the season with seven straight losses and currently sits eight games under .500 despite being the most talented team in their division.
At first glance, I believed that the Tigers just could not pull their season together. Maybe they have too much talent, or too many egos, or too high expectations. But upon delving further into the mess that is Detroit's 2008 season, I discovered a darkly-kept secret that will disturb me for years to come.
Upon entering the Detroit locker room, I discovered an abnormally thin and scared Edgar Renteria rocking back and forth in a fetal position. I found this odd as Renteria is normally a jovial and upbeat player, yet today he was avoiding eye contact with me. It was then that I felt a gust of wind and looked down to find that my bagged lunch I was carrying had somehow disappeared.
Edgar immediately looked at me almost sympathetically and meekly stated, "It was him…Miguel Cabrera."
Something seemed to click with me right there and then. The problem with the Tigers has not had anything to do with media pressure, or the existing egos or even the ages of the players. No, it seemed that every problem could be traced back to the aggressive eating habits of Miguel Cabrera.
After coming to my realization, I began to question Gary Sheffield, who was the only player who was not in some form of a catatonic state. Gary was quoted as saying, "[Cabrera] arrived to spring training and everyone was excited to meet him and have him on our team. But that's when he started taking our food and players started going hungry. I think the first time we realized as a team that we have a problem on our hands was when our manager Jim Leyland locked himself in his office for six hours after discovering Miguel ate his cigarettes."
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