2008 Woodie Awards
On the prowl
By: Simoan de Beauvoyeur
Issue date: 3/7/08 Section: TimeOut
Everyone has been the third wheel at some point in their lives. We have all dealt with the sudden realization that chemistry is in the air and we may not be involved. Some of the third wheel fiascos are as follows:
The Dating Friends: This third wheel happens when your friends who are dating invite you along to hang out. You were invited because they genuinely want to spend time with you, but then, somewhere in the mix, they forget you were there and start treating the situation as a private date. Nothing is more uncomfortable than watching two of your friends touch when there are no distractions, especially when a bunch of PDA (public displays of affection) is involved. Not many people want to find themselves sitting around while their friends make out, unless of course they are voyeurs. The most awkward part of this situation is when the dating friends realize what they have been doing and try to make it less awkward. Just give up, there is no going back.
The Confirmation: This third wheel involves a couple inviting you on their date to show you how much they love each other. This happens mainly with couples who are more insecure with their own relationship and normally leaves the third wheel bored or completely pissed off. The third wheel should probably look for some new friends. Friends don't let friends be third wheels.
The Just Friends: While less hard to pick up on, this is the most awkward third wheel situation. For this third wheel to happen, you have to hang out with two of your friends who have never expressed interest in one another as more than friends. You think everyone is just having fun and it is a group activity, then you find yourself alone while the two others try to subtly touch or kiss each other. This third wheel situation is completely unexpected at times and will leave anyone out of their depth because both friends will deny any chemistry or raunchy behavior until the last minute. Run Third Wheel, RUN!
The Maybe: This situation starts off with a dash of your friend wanting back up, a pinch of denial and a whole lot of awkward. Your friend invites you to hang out and tells you that they don't want to be alone with the other person. They want to use you as a buff when hanging out begins, but then you find out that they really were just in denial. You are left trying to find ways to not have to watch them make out and don't know when to stop protecting your friend or when to just leave. When does protecting your friend turn into just cock blocking? In this case hopefully your friend will give you some clear signals that it is time to go. If they are perhaps drunk, I would enforce the dick delay maneuver. The dick delay maneuver is where you stick around just long enough for them to be sober enough to make the decision.
The Dating Friends: This third wheel happens when your friends who are dating invite you along to hang out. You were invited because they genuinely want to spend time with you, but then, somewhere in the mix, they forget you were there and start treating the situation as a private date. Nothing is more uncomfortable than watching two of your friends touch when there are no distractions, especially when a bunch of PDA (public displays of affection) is involved. Not many people want to find themselves sitting around while their friends make out, unless of course they are voyeurs. The most awkward part of this situation is when the dating friends realize what they have been doing and try to make it less awkward. Just give up, there is no going back.
The Confirmation: This third wheel involves a couple inviting you on their date to show you how much they love each other. This happens mainly with couples who are more insecure with their own relationship and normally leaves the third wheel bored or completely pissed off. The third wheel should probably look for some new friends. Friends don't let friends be third wheels.
The Just Friends: While less hard to pick up on, this is the most awkward third wheel situation. For this third wheel to happen, you have to hang out with two of your friends who have never expressed interest in one another as more than friends. You think everyone is just having fun and it is a group activity, then you find yourself alone while the two others try to subtly touch or kiss each other. This third wheel situation is completely unexpected at times and will leave anyone out of their depth because both friends will deny any chemistry or raunchy behavior until the last minute. Run Third Wheel, RUN!
The Maybe: This situation starts off with a dash of your friend wanting back up, a pinch of denial and a whole lot of awkward. Your friend invites you to hang out and tells you that they don't want to be alone with the other person. They want to use you as a buff when hanging out begins, but then you find out that they really were just in denial. You are left trying to find ways to not have to watch them make out and don't know when to stop protecting your friend or when to just leave. When does protecting your friend turn into just cock blocking? In this case hopefully your friend will give you some clear signals that it is time to go. If they are perhaps drunk, I would enforce the dick delay maneuver. The dick delay maneuver is where you stick around just long enough for them to be sober enough to make the decision.
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